Nursing

Is Anybody Watching?

During a shift on the surgical floor, I was helping an orderly (who couldn't have weighed more than 100 pounds soaking wet) transfer a 280-pound postop patient from stretcher to bed. When the orderly climbed up on the opposite side of the bed to get more momentum, I asked, "Would you like me to get up on the bed with you?"

Suddenly, the patient, who I'd thought was still sedated, raised his head. "OK," he replied. "But first check to see if my wife is out in the hall."

Cold Call

It was the first time I had experienced a patient death and I was dutifully attending to the details, which included making the arrangements with a funeral home with which I was unfamiliar. I called directory assistance and was promptly connected to someone who was clearly confused by my request for a body pick-up. She quickly transferred me to her manager, who seemed equally perplexed.

By now I was more than a little annoyed, so I snapped, "What kind of business do you run there anyway?"

To my horror, the voice on the phone responded politely, "Sir, we make hamburgers here."

Directory assistance hadn't connected me to McDonald's Chapel of the Flowers, it turned out, but to the famous fast food restaurant instead. These days, whenever I have to call a funeral home, my amused co-workers remind me not to forget the fries.

SAMUEL B. CROW, RN, BSN, PHN
RED BLUFF, CA

Say "Cheese"

When I worked in pediatrics many years ago, I had a young patient with a concussion who was sent to X-ray. After returning to her room, she proudly said, "They took two pictures of my head, and I smiled in both of them."

VIRGINIA SCHULLIAN, RN
SPRINGFIELD, IL